heavy heart..

i remembered vividly that in my previous blog,i mentioned about attachment n detachment..
with so many people come n go in my life,
i felt a sense of loss n perhaps betrayal..
yeap,i cldnt deny that i am afraid of being attached to another person again.
it broke me once.
it did break me into pieces.
i was too weak to see people leaving me behind.

in some ways,we all have a hole in our roof,a gap through which tears fall n bad events blow like harsh wind. We feel vulnerable;we worry about storm will strike next.

but life isnt about waiting for the storm to pass,its all about learning to dance in the rain.

i should be ashamed of thinking not to attach myself to anyone,not to lay my heart to anyone in which i know i will sacrifice everything to the particular person, not to love n care for anyone whole-heartedly.
i should be blamed for thinking of being cold-blooded.
becoz i know it's goddamn hard for me to leg go,and i wldnt leg go.

i treat everyone sincerely n yet i know not everyone treats me back the same way.
sometimes i do feel disappointed n hurt.
sometimes i am so silly to be upset over it.

this surface attachment has already made me sssoooo painful,
wat if i go on further more??

still,we are human beings..
life is a process of learning..
learn abt people,learn abt environment,learn abt the world.

so we cnt be all alone.
we need someone who know us well enough to enter our world.
be it ur family,bestie or sweetie.
becoz u can know the whole world and still feel lost in it.
without love,we are birds without wings.

take any emotion-love for a person,or grief for ur loss.
if we hold back on the emotions-if we dun allow ourselves to go all the way through them-we can never get to being detached,we are too busy being afraid. We are afraid of the pain,we are afraid of the grief. We are afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails. But by throwing ourselves into these emotions,by allowing ourselves to dive in,all the way,over our head even,we experience them fully n completely. We know wat pain is. We know wat love is.

To me,karyn has waited a lifetime for a moment like this.
time will tell everything.
deep down in my heart i know wat kind of life i want.
but i cldnt say it out yet.
Not to anyone. Not the right time.

so many people are in pain-no matter how smart or accomplished-they cry,they yearn,they hurt. But instead of looking down on things,they look up,which is where i shld have been looking,too. Becoz when the world quiets to the sound of ur own breathing,we all want the same things:comfort,love n a peaceful heart.

this short two years in SAMURA are the best ingredients n nutrients that i have ever had before.
i have learnt to stand on my two feet in which to face heartwarming n heartbreaking moments.
i am sure this two years life in SAMURA will shine and leave me forever warmed by its afterglow.

time flies. and we are going to bid farewell to one another very soon. Yeap,every attachment comes with its detachment.
time for us to detach ourselves from one another.